101 Excuses

Hi everyone,

Well, as the title suggests, I am posed with a question…Where to from here???

I HAVE ‘DROPPED THE BALL’ READERS…I AM OUT OF CONTROL…I CAN’T STOP EATING, I HAVE NO MOTIVATION TO EXERCISE, I CAN NO LONGER SEE MY GOAL!!!

Pretty serious stuff! Since I last posted, when I was trying to be all positive about turning things all around and holding it all together, I have completely done the opposite…I have done everything possible to wreck all the good that I have done and as a result have gained about 4-5 kg all up ( and thats just a guess as I am too scared to hop on the scales).

So, what do I think is the reason? My age old demon, emotional eating. I don’t want to go into the details of my private life but just know that certain events have made me shut down and not care…I am angry and frustrated and upset, so I have found myself doing all the bad habits that I used to do like constantly bingeing in private and laying in bed being extremely lazy when i should be up exercising…also my old habit of telling myself it was all going to be okay and that I could pull myself out of it but unfortunately I have not succeeded. I am now at rock bottom, so I am asking myself if I even want to go on.

About 6 months ago I was doing well, I was enjoying it all and since I went away on my big overseas holiday I have struggled to get momentum again. It has been a slow downhill slide. I have had periods where I have felt great and then horrible.I hate the fact that I can be on top of the world for a few weeks, feeling strong and in control, and then come crashing down so quickly!  So…I am lying here trying to pick myself up. My goal seems so far away because of all this. I need to turn all this negative energy into training power…

I do want to keep going on this journey and at the moment I just need to get out of bed and exercise. Then i just need to focus on today, eating well.  Weight watchers works for me…when I do it, so I am back to that today. I just need to concentrate on living each day as best as I can at the moment, instead of looking at a goal that it 6 months away.

Marina, my trainer at Extreme Physique now knows the details what has caused the last 3 weeks emotional eating and she is being very supportive and to that I am grateful, and although it is impossible for her to change what is going on, she is going to try to help me make a plan that will help me pull myself out of this place that I am in. The last thing I need at the moment is more negativity and someone shaking their head at me for failing…

I am sorry if this blog has been a dissappointment to you in any way. At the beginning I was positive, although tentative about my coming journey…its really hard, the hardest thing I have ever done and I did not anticipate so many down times. All I can say is this is the reality of life for someone who is trying to come from ‘morbidly obese’ to a ‘healthier me’.

I need encouragement from you all out there…share with me your stories, your tips, I would love to hear them so don’t be scared to reply.

So, where to from here??? I just keep going forward. I hope my next post is heaps better than this one.

Kerin

Hi,

Well I am always amazed how things can change so quickly. You can be riding the heights of the rollercoaster, screaming ‘wahoo’ and ‘weeeeee’ and then you go down and its just not fun anymore! I have gone from being so motivated a few weeks ago, to I just want to lay in bed of a morning and not excercise! I have had birthday week (3 of my immediate family’s birthday dinners and cakes all in one week+1 of my childrens birthday parties at our place), and a 3 day trip away up the coast and so have been all out of my usual routine…that spells trouble for someone like me who teeters on the edges of success and failure! Over the past few weeks I have actually gained a few kilos back….not good.

I do have something to report which is good however. When I was away for the Mooloolaba triathlon festival to watch my husband race, I entered in the 5km twilight run that I did last year. This year I did the 5km in 34 mins 16 seconds!!! I managed to shave 1 min and 19 seconds OFF my time of last year!!! That may not sound much to someone who either doesn’t run or runs a lot, but it is a lot for me,  I was really happy with that. Next year I would love to do 30 mins or even just under it. It gives me something to aim for and at least I wont have an 8 week overseas holiday to put a halt to my training. I will be doing lots of running this year.

Today I am entering myself in another little triathlon which is down the Gold Coast on the 22nd April. It is a 300m swim, 10km ride and 2.5k run. I am entering with a friend so I have to do it. I will be a good thing because it means I will have to change my current ‘sleeping in’ attitude and get off my butt to train harder again.

I can still achieve my target of being under the 80kg by the 1st week of May so I better get back into it. I am fighting some sort of virus at the moment, just not feeling well and have NO energy but my doctor said I am just ‘run down”, there are not enough symptoms to diagnose anything. I hope nothing does come of it. I need to train myself through an Easter camping trip away next week…lots of running to be done. I am going to take along my skipping rope too and  get back into doing the tabata training app I was enjoying before I went overseas. It seemed to really burn the calories and take inches off my measurements!!!

Anyway, I will keep you posted to let you know whats happening.

Gotta Go…Bye for now,

Kerin:)

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Hello peoples,

Yes, I am still feeling good…not only in the obvious physical sense but mentally. Since I last posted, I have lost another kilo so I am 85.5kg (4kg of the 8.5kg lost since coming back from my holiday), but my weigh in day is tomorrow (Monday), so hopefully it will be more! I am hoping I will have lost 5kg altogether! I really want to be about 78kg by the first week in May!

I have been doing really well on the weight watchers point system, it hasn’t been too difficult to stick to and it is really helping me watch how much I am eating. I also have an online group that encourages each other and supports each other when things aren’t going great. I have not been perfect but I realise that it is just going to be the way it is. I don’t want a super strict life where I am stressed all the time and I want to enjoy my life and be able to have nice things but I do want to learn to enjoy this life without food becoming a ‘problem’ and without going overboard…food is not the be all and end all as they say.

I have been going to the chiro to hopefully get rid of this hip problem that keep rearing its ugly head. My hips keep slipping out of alignment and it is very painful. I have also managed to strain a joint behind my right hip which is adding to the problem but in sayin all that my training has been going great. I just have to put aside any pain because otherwise it becomes an excuse.

I am doing pilates once a week, I am walking for between 45-60 mins a day (including some running), I am swimming 2-3 times a week doing around 80 x 25m lengths, and of course doing my personal training session at Extreme Physique each week. Marina is doing her bit and is training me hard which is what I wanted…not that she has ever NOT trained me hard in the past.

I have my small triathlon this weekend. It starts with a 300m swim followed by a 10km bike ride and then a 3km run to finish. It will be interesting how I go. I was about 6kg lighter last time I did this event towards the end of last year, and I was training hard for it so I did pretty alright BUT since I am heavier this time around and because I was off travelling around and not training, I could end up embarrassing myself on race day…but if I don’t do it,  I will be giving in and thats too easy, I need to ‘suck it up’ and just see how I go. After that I have a few weeks till a harder task is put before me…the Mooloolaba 5km twilight run. It is a great race but it involves a pretty big hill which I need to tackle a few times…oh dear, how I wish I could have a few more weeks of training time. I will do it even though again I may embarrass myself. I did the same race in 34 minutes last year and I ran the whole way, even up the hills…I was so happy but no-one will be more surprised than me this year  if I even get anywhere near that result, I will be happy if I even finish.

Anyway, gotta go, I was just checking in to let you all know how I am going. It has been a rocky road, harder than I originally thought,  but I AM going to get there believe me..thanks for sticking with me!

Kerin

Hello there,

Well, I am back! I had an awesome time but now I am back in reality and with extra baggage (not of the fun variety either!) My holiday, even though I did feel I tried my best when I could, still cost me dearly. I weighed myself when I left Uruguay and the scales said I had only put on 3.5 kg which, although still bad, I thought was a manageable amount to lose when I returned…BUT, when I weighed myself when I got home, my scales said I had put on 6.4kg….AAARGH!!! How could scales differ so much?

Even though I spent a great deal of time wishing for healthy food while I was away, I certainly did not fall back into good habits when I got home as easily as I thought I would…my portion sizes were bigger, the foods were a lot healthier but still too much of them. In the first week and a half I was home I still kept gaining. On the 6th Feb I was up to 89.5kg, a total weight gain of 8.4kg since I left. I certainly did not plan for this all to happen but I need to admit that I obviously did not do enough to stop it from happening.

Once again, things just got away from me and I was in a little bit of a dangerous dark place. I needed something to get me motivated again. I couldnt do much in the way of exercise since I hurt my lower back and hip overseas (and my chiropractor said to just swim, which I was), so what i could take control of was my nutrition. That amount on the scales triggered me into making a decision for myself and I joined weight watchers online. I had 3 other friends doing it with great success so I thought it just may be the key to giving me a kickstart. It is a 3 month challenge that I have signed up for and I am hoping that I can be down to 78kg by the 1st week in May…still a long way from goal but much closer than I have been for a while.

I have had my 1st weeks weigh in and lost 3kg, so I am now 86.5. At least its a good start. I have been doing heaps of swimming which has been great but I been given the O.K by the chiro to get back to training (within reason), so I am looking forward to Marina whipping me into shape on Fridays starting again this week. I have also started back doing some long walks. Its frustrating for me because I was running really strong and hard overseas till I hurt myself, and now I am back to walking…(boring and burns fewer calories), I hope this does not last too long. I have had to pull out of 1 event so far, a  short course triathlon, but there are another 2 events coming up that I am entered in…another short course Tri early in March, and a 5km run late in March (this is a tough one, lots of hills). I don’t want to pull out of these but I cant train for  them properly if I cant run yet. I am hoping that things just keep improving…and quick!

I hope not to have any more moments of weakness that cost me time and also the patience of everyone at Extreme Physique who just want to see me succeed. They have done everything in their power, including this site for me to blog on, to keep me on track but you know the old saying …’You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink’…yep well, I am the horse! I keep letting them down but in the end I am letting myself down the most. I am my own worst enemy. I have all the information in the world and the best of intentions but that hasn’t made it an easy road.

I will keep you posted as to how this 3 month challenge is going, and to fill you in on my first day back at the gym training with Marina. I am looking forward to a great year ahead…2012 is the year for me to reach goal and stay there. I think that will make it 3 years since I started. I should have been there mid last year but I stuffed it time and time again so this is it, no more stuffing around. I am feeling positive!

Blog you later:)

Kerin

Wow, its my first post since I have been away and I am 5 1/2 weeks in! Sorry about that but it has been just go go go since leaving Australia. In that time I have done so much with my family. We have done 2 bus tours of Brazil, visited Argentina twice and Paraguay once. We have also done local tours to Punta Del Este and Colonia which are on the coastline of Uruguay. In between all this we have had quite a few family reunions as well as lots of other visits with my husbands family over here. We have also discovered many sights just in Montevideo, (Uruguays capital), alone. I think of all we have done in a relatively short amount of time and it is exhausting…I AM EXHAUSTED! Today I have hit the wall physically. My body is telling me to slow down or fall down, so I am resting which has given me a chance to think.

This trip has been awesome in so many ways but it hasn’t been without its challenges. Firstly, I was well aware and quite verbal about how scared I was about the whole food challenge, and I was right to worry -I HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MUCH FOOD IN ALL MY LIFE! The mentality here for a lot is to just enjoy it all – there is always tomorrow, but you know what they say, tomorrow never comes! About 2 1/2 weeks have been spent in hotels so we had to eat out for 2 out of 3 meals a day. Breakfast was at the hotel but this is a country that regularly eats cake for breakfast! (I didn’t though, not even I scan stomach that). All meal sizes are super upsized here, even entrees are huge so it is value for money but not for the waistline:( It is so hard to stop when it all tastes soooo good. There were many meals that were shared but still ended up being big portions if that held you get a picture of it. The red meats are mainly Asado (like BBQ beef ribs), and thick Chorizo sausages, both of which are fatty meats. I have had Pollo (chicken), but I have also had the pescado (fish) because I am sick of chicken now. At any family event though it is red met all the way! The tours included all meals and they were buffet meals which is never good for someone like me!

These countries LOVE their pastries, this was made very clear as soon as i boarded the South American leg of the journey. Croissants are a staple, with jamon and queso (ham and cheese). Everything is a pastry or wrapped in a pastry! Helado (ice-cream is another favourite…it seems like all you hear is that word! The times to eat here are also so very different from Australia…Its a party country. The day starts late with most eating Breakfast around 10am, lunch is about 3, A/Tea (which can be as big as toasted sandwiches) is usually after work at about 6.30pm, then they socialise until eating dinner around 11pm. Food for them is even more social that at home, they seem to live for it! All in all, I have had good eating days and some passable days, mixed in with quite a few shockers!

Well, thats the dietary challenges…now onto exercise! Well, being so on the go has meant that my exercise has been on and off. It is getting done but just not how I planned. It seems to be a few days of hard training and then I can’t for a few…not a consistent flow. When I have I have been doing 3-4 rounds of tabata skipping, a 2-3km run and then finishing it off with 3 rounds of weight bearing exercises like squats, dips, push ups and step ups off a bench. The one thing I have done is a lot of walking…Oh my goodness! I have NEVER walked so much in my entire life. This is the main contributor to my exhaustion. Most days we are walking about 5kms. some a little more like 8km and then there has been the odd occasion like in Buenos Aires where we walked 18km…crazy! (no kids were with us that day).

Sleeping in 9 different beds and 4 different reclining bus seats has played havoc with my back and my hips are not liking the horrible surfaces here (very much at  your own risk). My calves are also burning with all the walking…deep heat and daily massages needed! My chiro is going to make some $$$ out of me when I return but I am going to be SOOOOO happy to see her:)

I bought some scales which seemed like a good idea at the time but I hated the first weigh in. I am not telling you the amount because the holiday isn’t over but I have gained:( It is just up to me how much. At least I have no excuse not to be aware of it now as the scales keep reminding me. All I can say is that the figure would have been double without the walking!

We have 2 1/2 weeks to go so it not all over yet. I will post again on my return to let you know the verdict on the scales. 2012 is going to be a big year for me….May is when I had it in my head that I would have reached my goal, although in reality I should have well and truly been there. I am going on a cruise in May so it will be a good reward when I have finished, but unit then I have lots of work to do!

I look forward to sharing the rest of my journey with you.

Kerin:)

Hello peoples,

Well, as I write this, I am no better off than where I was 6 months ago. I am back to 81.1 kg (I actually hit nearly 83kg a few weeks ago). I  have been on a really big roller coaster ride since my last post to you back in mid October. I have had weeks of being focussed and then weeks where I have not been in a good place. I have gone from really enjoying exercise and feeling so strong. I even went out and bought some clothing in a size 14! I was looking soooo good, then all of a sudden it all swings badly and I get this ‘really don’t care less attitude’, I am finding it really hard to pick myself up again.

I have had ups and downs emotionally, I have been really busy at times, I have been sick, my kids have been sick…its like something is against me in this journey because as soon as I get it all together, things go wrong. It all came crashing down last week because it hit me that I really haven’t learnt a thing the past few years, I still don’t feel in control….when is this ever going to happen?

I had a meltdown in front of Marina and Rob after I hopped on the scales last week. I just cried and cried, I felt so bad. For a time now, they both had known something was wrong, but knew I would snap at any moment so they decided to back off and not pressure me. I wasn’t doing a food diary which was probably the worst thing I could have done.

I  had to admit something to them which was really hard, and its part of the reason I couldn’t blog…I was lying!…I just wanted to leave for South America at 75kg…10kg off my goal, but I would have been happy with that. I was struggling to get there, so I thought I would do my own programme of ‘shakes’, or ‘meal replacements’, just for 2 weeks. I thought it would help me get focussed again and just get those kilos off. I thought I could sneakily do it and no-one would find out. That backfired big time. I did the 2 weeks and ended up heavier.

I should have known better. I have done the shakes in the past and it never ends well, and I swore I would never do it again. I have had success in the past mind you, but it is not a good option when it comes to creating a good environment for a healthy metabolism. I totally stuffed mine again by doing it. I was shocked when I hopped on the scales, thinking that I would be closer to that 75kg, and yet I was further away. It was a complete waste of time…I lost the plot big time.

Now of course I feel like I am scrambling. It does not help that it is coming on Christmas time and we have had event after event where I have indulged a few more times than normal. Since we are going away for 2 months, we have had get togethers and catch ups etc and it has just gotten harder. I have been planning for this trip and also having to plan for our return (having the kids totally ready for school etc)., I am tired, so my motivation has just gone down hill. I still want it but I need to get the will back again.

Well my family leaves for South America this Saturday morning. We are going for 2 months. I am so happy to be going, it will be such an adventure but I admit I am scared to death about coming back absolutely huge. I’d like to say to you that ‘I have a plan’, and that it will all be okay, but feeling how I am now, I am hesitant to make any promises.

I am taking my skipping rope so I can tabata hopefully. I plan on doing laps with Fabian, doing some runs with him (he won’t have any time off from Ironman training), Marina is going to do up a programme I can do for the times I cant go with him,…I hope that these things, and trying to be focussed on what I am eating, will be enough to stop me coming home in an even bigger mess!

Adios,

I will keep you posted!

Kerin

Hey everybody,

To think that weeks ago I was on such a high is almost funny, but I was. I was on holidays, having a lovely time relaxing, having a great time training really hard every morning…that went out the window straight away when I returned to a weigh in that said I had put on like 3.2kg! I mean, in 1 week, who does that??? I ate stuff I should not have but you know my life will be like that, and seriously, I want it to be. I hate that I can’t let my guard down for 1 week. Not in all my days of binge eating have I EVER gained 3kg in 1 week:( A really good friend says to me all the time that she hates it when I am dieting, because I am miserable, and I get that totally because I am. But I was also miserable really fat, so where is my happy medium? Do I get to have one? I am literally sitting here crying because I am so close and yet so so very far away from my goal. I am no where near ready to venture out on my own. I try and act so tough but inside I am so weak that stupid things like cake and chips and biscuits can run my life.

Oh and It gets better so keep reading….After that weigh in I was stressed but not overly because I came back from that holiday feeling strong, energised…fit. I got up the next morning and took myself down to Sandgate for a run along the water, had a really good run, went to the hairdressers, felt great, went to my nieces birthday party and while avoiding the ‘bad choices’ food table, grabbed myself some watermelon and while eating it, out of the blue doubled over in really bad abdominal pain.

I just got worse and worse over the evening and ended up in hospital being drugged up on morphine and tested for the next 18hrs or so. Nothing really showed as being a problem and yet there I was in agony. I wasnt as bad when they sent me home but I certainly was scared for that to happen again. I stayed in bouts pain for the next week almost. I was well enough by the time my Bribie triathlon came and I did it. I felt okay, but my stomach was really not that great. I managed to better my time though so it was progress.

My GP thought I should just let it go, no further testing needed. I left there a bit confused…is anyone going to tell me what is going on with my body? Do you know who actually told me what it probably is…my chiro. She is like ‘the body whisperer’ Without me saying anything about recent events, she felt around my stomach and said that my liver and intestines were enflamed. That made more sense than anything else. She said it was food related etc etc etc. I raised that question in hospital and was almost laughed at, but I kept it in the back of my mind.

I feel okay, apart from having a really bloated tummy which can be sore to touch, (and some sort of flu which hasn’t helped), but am following this up with a naturopath. I need to cleanse…no red meat, no acidic stuff, NO GLUTEN – at least for a while, till the inflammation settles down. Plenty of water etc. All of this learnt today so I am still processing it.

I am just so sick of this rollercoaster. One step forward, 4 steps back.  I have never been so plagued with illness and injury so much in my life, I am supposed to be doing all of this for the greater good. I am going to have to follow this new eating thing for however long because what else can I do?? I am feeling more and more bloated every day and the scales keep creeping up even though I am not being bad..something inside my body needs to change, and I hope that when it does, these extra kilos dissappear. I have worked soooo hard.

Yes, you have caught the pity party express tonight and I am sorry but this is real. Anyone can tell you to lose weight, how to do it, but actually doing it? That has to be done around your life and what it throws at you. If I was a horse, they would have shot me by now. If I was my trainer, I would have given me up as a lost cause…which I know she wont because thats not her style….lucky for me.

I will find my better attitude I promise and all will be rosy soon I hope. Till then peoples, goodnight.

Kerin

Hello all,
I post to you from Marcoola Beach on the Sunshine Coast where I am staying for a week with my family…it has been lovely, the weather has been great, and I really feel like, after some challenging winter months, I have been able to recharge some dangerously low batteries!
It has been great to excercise along the water every morning, it is quite therapeutic. Since Monday morning i have been doing my daily 4 rounds of Tabata skipping interval training, followed by mix of 3 sets of squats/step ups or square/lunges, followed by either a 3 or 5km run…energizing:)
I have also been swimming in the surf heaps, which I love, and it has had an added benefit this holiday because it has been quite rough with a strong current so I have been getting extra ‘fun’ cardio workouts but I can tell you right now, my legs are feeling quite trashed!!!
So, the excercise is great, that’s all sorted but what about the nutrition??? Hmmm, well if you were to compare it to any other holiday I have had, I am being a perfect angel but i know I really need to keepy wits about me so I don’t relax totally and let my guard down too much. It is really hard, I just want to eat out all the time and have desert every night but I know that that time of
my life needs to well and truly be over if I want to keep a better quality of life for myself and my family. Don’t get me wrong, I am still enjoying a few holiday treats but just not eating with the ‘who cares, I am on holiday’s’ attitude that was quite normal….just another one of the 101 excuses!
Anyway, enough typing, i need to get back to lying around and swimming…this is the life!
Bye for now,
Kerin
…BTW, last week I had a loss of 900g which puts me at a weight of 78.8kg I think, a long way from the 112 I was…only 14 or so kg to go! I am not too focussed on that figure right now, i just need to get
to my next goal of 75kg!

Hi,

Well, yes, in the time since my last post, I have been doing just that…climbing, climbing, climbing out of that hole I was in. I am thinking to myself  though, ‘well at least I am not falling back into it’!

I am struggling with major sugar cravings. I hate them. They are worse in the late afternoon and evenings but can pretty much be with me all day. I have been handling it OK but there have been some days where a biscuit or two, or 3 have “jumped” into my mouth. One of those days was yesterday:( I punished myself in my workout this morning…grrr! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO GET AROUND THIS! I am going to talk to Marina tomorrow, maybe she has an awesome idea, she is pretty good like that!

I am realising that it is really only 9 ish weeks till I leave for South America…I had so much time to be at my goal of 60kgs but that is so far beyond my reach now, I have stuffed up too many times. It just seems to be taking sooo long. It has been almost 2 yrs since i started this journey.  I thought I could safely and healthily lose 25kg a year, but so far it has been more like 16Kg per year. Don’t get me wrong, I am proud of what I have done, and there is such a definite improvement in everything, the way I look, my health, my confidence in a lot of areas but I am at a stage where I am kind of over it and its tough. I am sure alot of you out there have shared this feeling of frustration.

On an upside, Marina did my measurements a few weeks back and while I can’t find them to post them to you, WOW I was so happy with the results. I will try and get them again tomorrow. I know that this time, since I am losing weight correctly, (NO SHAKE DIETS or tablets that promise the world etc), since I am doing the correct training like strength and weights stuff, I feel so much leaner at 80kg than I have at this stage before. I always still felt sooo fat, but this time I know it is right. I am hoping that when I reach my goal I will look absolutely awesome on the outside and more importantly, feel the same on the inside.

In a few weeks time I am doing the first of the Bribie Triathlon series. I did the same series last year. I only do the short course and that is enough for me. It is a 300m swim/10km bike ride/3km run to finish….lots of fun. The second race of the series for me will be only 2 weeks after I get back from overseas, which will be interesting. I can’t party too hard when I am there because I won’t be too happy if I can’t finish the race because of it. I have a husband who will be in training while we re away (he is training for the Australian Ironman in may next year…NUTTER!), and he will be riding, swimming, running wherever we are so no doubt I will be tagging along for some training sessions.

Anyway, things are going slow but despite the bums in the road, I am forging ahead, trying to stay positive and just taking each day as it comes. I will eventually get there.

Will post again soon, maybe tomorrow as I am pretty sure I will be weighing in…lets hope the scales are in a friendly mood:)

Bye for now,

Kerin

Hi everybody,

I did actually write up a HUGE post last week but I have just noticed that it did not record…operator error probably, so sorry about that.

Well,  thats where I have spent the last few weeks…a black hole. After too long a time feeling either sick myself or other family members sick and the lack of sleep unfortunately attached to them, the bottom of my weight loss journey fell out. I hit an all time low last week by pretty much eating everything in sight on quite a few occaisions. I was I believe depressed. Exercise usually gets me perky again but since that was a ‘no go’ zone until I was completely well, I just stayed low.

It is easy now to  look back on the last few weeks and see what went wrong etc in the lead up to todays weigh in, only because I have finally caught up on some sleep, I have exercised a few times…I am feeling much better, BUT last week I was a mess that was looking for a quick fix.

Well, let me tell you…my quick fixes of late have only given me one thing…2.4kgs that I need to RE-LOSE!!! Yes, thats right…it is a total nightmare. I look back on how long it took me to lose that 2.4kg and it took what seemed like forever. I should be nearly 75kg by now and here I am back at 81.5:(

I have spent most of the weekend beating myself up about how I had been treating my body that I ended up with the worst headache.

What frustrates me more than anything is the fact that I thought I was past my food demons…I was doing so well, I felt in control and invincible I guess…I think I just got too cocky. All it took was some sicknesses and lack of sleep and I was back to the person I was when I started…I am so not ready to go out on my own weight loss wise, every time I think I am okay I monumentally stuff it up.

When I met with Marina today, although I know she was no doubt less than impressed with the weigh in, she was very patient yet again and just listened, then spent the time talking me through it. She was even armed with all sorts of things for me to read up on etc, to shift my focus and get back on track.  We talked and then we trained. It was not a problem solver but it was awesome to have that support…very important peoples!

This is not an easy journey by any means, and life throws us all kinds of twists and turns that hinder our progress. My journey is no different to anyone elses….I do good, I stuff up, I do well again….then I stuff up. It is one roller coaster ride that I am not enjoying for that reason…it gets too painful. I can only hope that after each time I will be stronger and it will get less and less painful…that each time I can draw upon these down times and refocus quicker and easier.

I have a big week ahead of me so I better get to bed so I have the energy for all the training I need to get back into. I have missed it.

Catch you later…hopefully lighter when I do.

Kerin